Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Ignorance is Bliss

Fifteen Thousand People!! That's a heckuva lot of folk who paid good money to run in the 2005 Wharf to Wharf. AP and I ran; we finished a sobering and slow 49:42 and 50:08, respectively. Oh well, guess you can't cram exercise like you can for a meeting or a class.

Rewind to the start of the race. Whirrrr. Click. Play.

I'm trying to stretch, but there's not enough room. As I'm squirming around, I overhear a conversation between two women.

One points to a tattoo on the back of her neck.

"I really identified with the word, y'know: Spirit. It captures the essence of what I'm all about. I had the parlor inscribe the Chinese Kanji character. It focuses my energy."

Curious, I look as well. Japanese shares some of the same characters, so I was able to read it. I didn't have the heart to tell the woman what it said:


Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Woo Hoo sign me up!

...from my breakfast receipt:

Thank you for eating at McDonald's Corp.

Bring 5 receipts from the same week Monday-Friday and recieve a 6-piece Chicken McNugget Free!

Also try our chicken and walnut McSalad. Look for the green fork!

I'm lovin' it.

This was mind-boggling on so many levels. Buuut at this hour in the morning....

I may be but a unfrozen caveman lawyer frightened by your flying machines and speaking boxes. But I do know one thing; those McMuffins with bacon and cheese are just what the doctor ordered for starting out the day!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Problem? You're the one with the problem! Git off my back!

Last physical I had, the doc said three things that stuck in my head. You eat too much junk food. You ingest too much caffene. Your metabolism will grind to a halt very soon, and it'll wipe that little smirk of yours right off of your face.

Since my birthday is coming up next week, I thought I would try to rectify my evil ways. Can't give up sugar, so I tried caffene. This morning, I went without my cutomary cup of Grande and lasted till noon. Talk about a miserable experience. Pounding headache and cranky as hell. I even started to feel kinda sick. Not in a face-down-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-bodily-fluids kind of way, but sick nonetheless...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Smile for da camera

Video call! New fangled technology!

After getting over the fun of remotely controlling the camera on the other end (Zoom: Hey you have some lettuce in your teeth there), it suddenly dawned on me. It is hard to concentrate on this dang thing. Voice calls are one thing, but with live video feed, I go into passive Monster-Trucks-Sportcenter-Fox news mode. Y'know, remote in hand, and unconsciously tapping the 'channel' button. It is all I could do to not let my mouth go slack and have a stream of drool dribble down the side.

And the footage is hardly riveting. It's like watching cspan of your local townhall meeting (equivalent of angry residents clashing over the height limitations ordances for yard fences). The only problem is, this cspan occasionally pauses, looks back at me from the screen, and asks a question.

New tact: I've taken to consicuously making an effort to occasionally look straight into the camera and stroke my chin contemplatively. Wish I had a goatee...

Sunday, July 10, 2005


ok. I admit it. I've taken the Myers-Briggs many times in the past, but this latest round is the breaker. I am...an Introvert! An INTJ -- Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judgemental. How can this be??? I've thrived for 5 years in sales, and am doing well going on my 7th year in marketing! I present all the time and I enjoy it! People in my MBA class think I'm an airhog!

The prevailing image in my mind is of the classic comedy sketch from the 80's, wherein the social misfit stands in the background and metes out punishment to wrongdoers using nothing more than his thumb and forefinger. I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head!

Last week, however, I witnessed a great event. One of the higher-ups in the marketing org, a real limelight kinda guy, opened up his preso by admitting that he is an Introvert! Hallelujia Brother! I almost broke out in spontaneous dance and gospel, so that other closet Introverts in the meeting room could also sieze the day! I would surely have done so if I had not been in the back of the room, avoiding eye contact, hugging my knees and rocking back and forth...I'm an excellent driver. Fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.

Friday, July 01, 2005

The Dentist.
I don't particularly fear the chair or anything, but there are some things there that really annoy me. Air-powered drill? No prob. Fine cloud of bone-dust making me choke? yawn. Electric shock of pain when the pointy hook tool pokes an exposed nerve? bring it on, punk.


I can't stand the light banter that the aide and the dentist have over my head. They sometimes talk as though I am nothing more than a $7.99 Walmart fondue kit; yap yap yap, occasional jab into crevice with metal implement, continue to yap.

"So last week, I'm out fishing." (whirrrrr.screeeeeeeeeee. whirrrrr.)

"is that so?" (wipes blood)

"yeah, the sucker had to be this big!" (pauses drilling so he can indicate size with both hands)

"you're such a liar" (mops more blood).

Worse yet, they sometimes want to involve me in the conversation!

"So how are the kids?"

"MMmmnn Hthmmm" (Fine, thanks)

"What have we got here?" (whirrrrrr.screeeeeeeee.whirrrr)

"Mwrrrrr!!!" (Mwrrrrrr!!!)

"Let me know if this stings"

"MM MM MM MM!" (it stings it stings it stings)

"Yeah, I think we'll get some rain today" (whirrrrr.screeeeeee.whirrrr)

"Mmmnnn Mnnnnn Nnnnnm!" (Give me some more damn Novacane!!)

"I hear ya. Can't believe that gas prices are almost $3 a gallon."

"MMMMMMMMMM" (what the hell are you talking about? Jab me with the pain killers now!!)

"there now. that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"...mmmmmmhhhnn" (...I hate you)

Next dental appointment July 11. Already dreading it. Posted by Picasa

Free Blog Counter