Wednesday, March 19, 2008

And you thought MS Office was Bloatware

And here I was, complaining about how Excel is total bloatware.

Turns out, I just didn't know how to use it correctly!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Back when I was your age.....!

What's up with all these articles on how wild and crazy these so-called Generation Y folk are? And how Corporate America had better shape up to receive these folk into our warm embrace?

I'm in the tail portion of Gen X, and I seemed to have missed the part about folks fretting about what we want and care about. Now, I'm being unfair of course! Of course people cared back then, too!

Ah the memories of my first job out of college...early 90s, beginning of the 1st bubble:

Workplace ergonomics:
"Hideo, you can either have the chair with the missing third coaster, the one with mystery stains, or the stack of copy paper."

or the ever-catchy, "It's awfully cold outside. That stack of copier paper is looking real good in comparison, no?"

Flexible hours:
"You can come in as EARLY as you want, and stay as LATE as you want!"

Workplace fitness plan:
"Go run down the street and bring back coffee. Doughnuts will get you more points. GO!"

"WE are your family now"

"Yes, there is. Any more questions, noob?"

Sigh...trips down memory lane always bring back fond thoughts.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Devil's in the Details

When you want to bail from a meeting wherein your role would be to say "hi" at the start, and silently logoff near the end, what's the best way to do so?

1. Mystery. Just decline the Outlook invite and move on with your life. It's a nice day out, get some sports in. Take a breath of fresh outside air and promptly return to your dimly lit dungeon for some xtreme xls action.
2. Passive-Aggressive. Attend, but hammer away at email. Rehearse the "Sorry, I must have had you on mute" response and keep it on quick-draw.
3. Decline, with details. "I'm oozing greenish pus from festering sores. So I can't attend, sorry."
4. Miss the meeting. Blame it on Daylight Savings Time (you can milk this one all week). Or your trip to East Kazfanistanbul, wherein the time zone diff is exactly 15 hours 22 min ahead of Pacific.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

boo! Now what will keep the bugs away?

Turns out that this whole Airborne thing was nothing more than a sham. For the two of you that don't know what Airborne is, its promise can be summed up as this: Airborne keeps you safe from you two in aisle three that keep hacking that dry cough and sneezing into the headrest in front of you. Yeah, and I saw you wipe your hand on the upholstery. I'm on to you, Patient Zero.

At any rate, it turns out that the whole darn thing was a pack of lies. The company fessed up, and now owes us suckers some compensation. Another piece of innocence lost forever. Next thing you know, someone will tell me that using a shiny silver Mac won't grant me instant street cred and irresistible cool.

Monday, March 03, 2008

the nation's drug epidemic


"hi, I'd like to make a reservation with Mr. Jamis"

"sorry, miss, you have the wrong number. My name is Hideo. This is my cell phone."

"is Mr. Jamis available?"

"well, no. I'm Hideo and you have the wrong number."

"when will he be back?"

"I don't know. You have the wron...."

"Ok, how about Tuesday?"



"you know what?....Mr. Jamis got himself in a freak golf cart accident. I've been asked to clear his calendar for the rest of the month. Have a nice day."


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