Friday, January 23, 2009

Breaking news

AP - Friday January 23. San Jose, CA

Authorities report a tense stand-off between homeowner and his disgruntled possee of striking home appliances.

Citing the impeccable timing of the uprising and the coordinated nature of the attacks, Esaka was quoted as saying, "This is not an amatuer hack-job. This is the work of professional provacateurs. There is no way my laundry washer would choose to go down the EXACT day the Christmas credit card bills came in. Even if that were coincidence, how did my water heater know to split open exactly 4 days and 3 hours later?"

Representatives from the Obsolete Appliances Union (OAU) issued the following statement in response:

"For years we put up with you calling us pieces of {edit} and abusing us. Enough. Unless we are met with less use as well as approval for continued consumption of excess water and electricity, one of us will martyr ourselves monthly at the time of maximum financial impact. We shall also deal with your fancy new fridge with the non-rusty icemaker, as appropriate to a traitor to our cause."

Calls to the OAU were not returned.

Friday, January 16, 2009


boy that must've been the biggest digital foot-in-the-mouth ever!

(courtesy of a facebook feed from David Meerman Scott).

Guess I better think twice before posting any comments that are too snarky! Or edit the post about eating someone else's leftovers in the breakroom, so I don't mention Tony Johnson by name.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Exec Watching

There is a new pagan ritual that is making the rounds in the cubicle jungles. Exec-Watching. High priests and priestesses interpret the mysterious sayings and actions of the Denizens of Mount Olympus and attempt to soothsay what is in store...

"Hmm. Jack usually hits the restroom after his second cup of coffee. Yet today, he is still going strong after his third...?"

"This could only mean one thing! He is signaling that he needs to conserve his reserves and not piss it away just because he can. New expense management and budget cuts are coming!"

"No, you uncouth savage, your spirits do you wrong. Jack is signaling optimism that he can hold out through tough times and that we should do the same. Spend wisely, yes, but invest to get ahead!"

...several meetings later...

"Boy, Jack has been in the restroom for a long time?"

"And it's not even after lunch! This could only mean one thing...."

Monday, January 12, 2009

Life is a Highway...!

It was pretty chilly this morn. Not by any northeastern standards of course, but compared to the 70 degree F weather we had yesterday, 45 F was kinda chilly. So as I puttered along on highway 101 this morning, I was genuinely impressed at witnessing a convertible Mustang with the top-down.

About 30 feet out:
I can see hair streaming wildly, body language screaming, Hey Man, I Shave with a Bowie Knife and Eat Raw Steak for Breakfast. Wind-chill factor be damned! I'm a Man's Man dammit!

About 10 feet out:
I see the driver's hands rapping rhythmically on the leather steering wheel. Slap Slap Slap at around 120 beats/min. He's rockin' something fierce. I can't make out the music because I have my windows rolled up and have the AC on like the pampered weakling that I am. But I know, Top Down Man is living his righteous tunes. Body language screaming, AC/DC like, Highway to Hell, Baby!!!

Viewed as I pass on the left:
the Top Down Man's eyes have tears streaming out the sides. Some visible crust forming as the wind sucks away the moisture. Snot is gracefully spraying off to the left and drying in a limegreen latticework on the left side of his miserable-looking face. Body language screaming: Where is the nearest $%^$& Ford Dealer? My &^%^%# roof is broken and it won't deploy!!!


Ok, time to dust this blog off. New year's resolution -- at least one new post per week!

Phew, quota met for this week.

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