Bah-humbug

Holiday cheer and all, but I really can do without the frenzied and tense atmosphere that surrounds the shopping. There's still 5 weeks to Christmas, but I can already feel the Edge interlaced with saccharine cheer. Parking at the shopping mall is perhaps the experience that I most detest, and is THE reason why 99.999% of my stuff is bought online (if I could buy gasoline online, I think I'd be at 100%).

Friday, for instance, we stalked shoppers back to their cars for the perfect space. Unfortunately, there were 6 other cars doing the same thing. I guess this is what deer feel like during hunting season in rural New York or Denver. Shoppers though, seem oblivious to the stalking vehicles; they calmly go about their business, and take their time to locate their vehicles, unlock the door, load their wares, check the mirror, fix their makeup, and take a short nap. Then they back out. By this time, the stalkers are whipped up in a frenzy, and there are 2-3 vehicles signaling for the same space. Usually, the person with the less expensive, what-the-hell-do-I-care-if-you-ding-me vehicle wins out over the YuppieMobiles for a little class equalization. Regardless who wins, there's a protocol that must be followed by the vanquished. A quick mono-digit salute to indicate gracious acceptance of defeat, and a horn blast of not less than 8 seconds to announce the event.

We weren't even in the running for that one. How far out of the running? Using the hunter analogy, 2-3 hunters were having duels for the right to shoot one prize deer, but we showed up with a fishing pole. In fact, it dawned on us the absurdity of hunting for the perfect space that's 20 ft closer to the entrance; especially when we were there to buy a new pair of sneakers...