Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Vertu-ally Wealthy Too

(Memoirs Part Two!)

At last. One on one with Caroline, the saleswoman of the rich and famous.

Caroline: "Mr. Hideo, please let us know how we can help Ms. Sylvia. Would you like some coffee?"

Hideo: "Of course. Now where to begin...?" I smile, then put on a look of mild concentration. (coffee? of course! ....crap lost train of thought. She's good. Already disarmed me with my weakness)

Caroline: "Ms. Sylvia sounds like a busy woman. As her secretar..."

Hideo: "I prefer 'Administrative Assistant'" (

Caroline: "My apologies. As Ms. Sylvia's Administrative Assistant, you must be even busier. Does Ms. Sylvia often shop in California where she lives? Because we could arrange a local appointment in Beverly Hills as well?"

Hideo: "Well the term 'lives' is somewhat misleading. It would be accurate to say she legally resides there, but it would be more accurate to say Ms.Sylvia lives in an airplane. At any given time, there's an equally likely chance of finding her in London's Cannon Street, Tokyo's Marunouchi, or right here in Singapore. In fact...well, I probably shouldn't mention this, as Ms. Syliva loathes given her itinerary away too much in advance..."

(Captain! the limitor on the BS Engine is no longer in our control! Abandon ship!)

Caroline's ears perk up, and she is eagerly leaning forward. Just then the coffee arrives. It is a rich smelling concoction, obviously far superior to the mud served in the breakroom at work. The lines of the black china seems to blend seamlessly to the black lacquered desktop.

Hideo: "...hmmm, why not. Ms. Syliva intends to be in Singapore in late September. Perhaps she will request that I schedule time for her to visit your fine boutique personally? But first, let us discuss the customization questions that Ms. Sylvia has." (I think I just gave off too much this-person-may-buy pheromones, because Caroline is practically convulsing with the effects of the internal battle between maintaining a sophisticated, cool air and making her kill-sales-pitch. To her credit, this struggle lasts but a split second, and she is back to her polite yet so-very-Euro-cool manner.)

Editor's note: at the time of this meeting, Sylvia and Hideo lacked an important piece of information: Vertu has sold only one phone.

Caroline: "Ms. Sylvia ark mentioned something about customization of our communication devices?"

Hideo: "Yes. I'm sure I don't need to tell *you* that many people are very attached to their birthstones. Ms. Sylvia is the same way with hers - Alexandrite."

Caroline: "Ah, a beautiful gem. I am especially fond of the Chrysoberyl Cat's Eye"

Hideo: "Ms. Sylvia has mentioned that as well. But she was particularly interested in seeing if she could fit an Alexandrite gem that she has in her possession." (A What's Eye??????)

Caroline: "Very interesting. Here are three working models of the Vertu devices. Where would she be interested in placing them?"

Hideo: "May I?" (holy cow! the $20,000 phone! Three of 'em RIGHT HERE! I can buy a Lexus with these phones!!! Let's see, wearing wingtips. Despite Tom Cruise's example in "The Client", I found that it's impossible to run in dress shoes. Darn.)

Caroline: "Why certainly. Notice the attention to detail. The tactile sensation of the ruby-geared keys. And the sleek design by Kris Bostloft. You may have noticed his work with light and shadows being displayed on the LCDs."

Hideo: "...Interesting. This is exactly as my employer has expected the device to be." (She expected it to be expensive. Hmmm, this phone was designed by the nostril-cam video guy? Come to think of it, I CAN check my nose hair on the shiny platinum surface. Wait - better pluck that one when I get a chance to duck into the restroom...!)

I spend a couple more seconds scrutinizing the phone from every angle. I have a look of intense scrutiny on my face. I usually get that when there's a strong glare flashing into my eyes. Caroline remains silent, taking in my obvious appreciation of her mobile artwork.

[once again, to be continued]

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