Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Attended a back to school night for our son. I remember these things to be a fairly laid-back, if unstimulating affairs, wherein parental types would meet their offspring's teacher, and give permission to said educator to smack little Johnny upside the head if he gets outta line. The 2006 version was...much more intense. Difference between getting bopped in the head with a balloon and getting decapitated by an 18 wheeler trcuk while leaning too far out the passenger side window.


- 6 year olds will be broken out into five groups, ranked by ability. Highest group will be given more challenging homework, while the lowest group will be issued bibs and identifying placards around their necks.

- Stressed Dad (me!) sneaking a swig of Rockstar energy drink to keep up with frenzied air

-Parental types are hopped up on stimulants. In most civilized corners of the world, the phrase "Any questions?" is universal code for "I am done with my presentation. Let us all go home." Not spoken here. At least 8 hands shot up and our hapless instructor was peppered with questions like:

"What if we don't agree with your ranking?"
Answer: Litigation

"How much homework?"
Answer: No more than 4 hours per evening

"How do we fit THAT into Johnny's soccer, swimming, French, and ballet lessons?"
Answer: Sign him up for Time Management lessons

"Will there be appetizers served after this meeting?"
Answer: No

- Stressed Dad switching to drinking something stronger.


Syl said...

Hideo, you present a picture that I've been fearing would be true about school these days. What happened? Have we come to see elementary school as a direct reflection of our own worth, thus forcing small children to over-acheive and compensate for our own fear of shortcomings?

Hideo said...

and here's the scray epilogue.

Some parents mistook my bored-can-we-go-now look to be one of smugness at my child's superhuman brilliance. "It must be nice not to have to worry..maybe our kids can study together," one stressed-looking mom said. "Sure," I said. "But not on Tuesdays because we can't miss the 2hour Spongebob Squarepants marathons."


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